Mourning the Loss of My Faith
I have sat down to tell my story so many times. I am surprised that my back space button even still has words on it. My faith has been declining for some time. For years I read my scriptures and said my prayers every day. Most of my doubts were about the future. As an anxious person, playing the "what if" game is typically how I occupy my time. I would read my patriarchal blessing over and over, clinging to its words like I once did as kid with a magic 8 ball in my hand. No one can dismiss my doubts of the future with blanket statements, so for a long time I have put them on my shelf. I had brushed off and willingly shelved my concerns about church history. Many had given me answers that were not good enough but at the time I thought the past should stay in the past. After all, I had been baptized; washed clean of previous sin. I didn't want anyone to hold my past over my head so perhaps the church felt the same way. Only now do I realize how silly this is. I found ...